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Twelve Absolutely Unbeatable Arguments
Against Civil Same-Sex Marriage
Warning: Not for the humor impaired opponents of Civil Same-Sex
Marriage. Upon reading these reasons, the humor impaired may
experience anger, frustration, cognitive dissonance and confusion.
If these symptoms last longer than four hours, call your doctor.
01) Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses,
polyester, and birth control.
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same
way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of
crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a
dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't
changed at all; women are still property, Blacks still can't marry
Whites, and "no fault" divorce is still illegal.
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage
were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile straight couples, "DINK"s and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because they don't need marriage and our orphanages and foster care programs aren't full yet.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children since straight
parents only raise straight children.
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy
like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire
country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role
model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single
parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we
could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted
to cars, computers, the Internet, or Blacks and women voting.
11) Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and
we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted
to cars or longer lifespans.
12) Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as
marriage with a different name are better, because a "seperate but
equal" institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for
African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for
gays and lesbians will.
As you can see, the objections to Civil Same-Sex Marriage are laughable when you look beyond the superficial rhetoric.
Please feel free to send us additional arguments and we'll post the best ones here. Thanks.
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